Don't ever be made to feel stupid

After my appointment 4 weeks ago and starting the ivabradine I went back to see if there was any improvement and sitting in the waiting room, you just know it isn't ok you know that your blood pressure and racing heart is never normal, you don't even know what normal felt like was it ever normal ? 

When you have a condition for so long you just know your own body and when people ask 'but how do you know', you just do my blood pressure has never been normal for as long as I can remember or my heart It would be lovely to go one day and it all to fine. Taking my pulse and blood pressure my GP was shocked after I described my symptoms of my heart jumping from being to fast to, too slow in the space of a few hours and as I was describing it she said she could notice it doing at and kept on cheeking it in disbelief, my blood pressure high except sitting there I didn't even feel bad I felt fine, its like you must just get used to being sick all the time. For once I felt like a GP was taking me seriously something I have never felt, she told me when she exercises her heart rate reaches mine except she knows it will go back and its horrible so she can't image how I feel each day living with this known it wont go away and she told me to go to the hospital when I did feel bad with it, when I said to her but 'Why you just feel stupid' her words will be something I will know always remember '' people like you make me angry Danielle' she was saying the amount of drunks and druggies who go to hospital and people like me need help to feel better and its all because they don't understand so never be made to feel stupid. My next appointment for cardiology is April and even though its only like 6 weeks away she is going to try and get my appointment moved forward as she isn't happy or thinks its fair for me to wait that long, hearing again its not dangerous maybe if I was older it would be but being young your heart can cope makes you feel that little bit better.

I don't no what my next appointment holds and sometimes its the fear of not know which is the hardest thing to deal with. I spent my weekend at a hen party and enjoyed quite a few glasses of prossecco and letting off all the steam with a few work friends. 

Of course I cant forget to mention my beautiful baby boy who's now 13 weeks on Wednesday he's just amazing and keeps me going through all the bad health .. I finally have something who depends on me so much and that's my reason for fighting each day to get better he's my soul reason for getting up each morning, no matter how bad I do feel I can't just lie down to it all now.

                              My beautiful baby boy Kian Patrick James the picture on the left is him leaving hospital only a day old and 12 weeks on the right there's proof that sick mummy's can have healthy baby's Kian stopped growing because of my health problems but looking at this picture shows how much he's grown... my world my life my reason for not giving up.

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